The Commuter

Today, I commuted to my new job for the first time. London, known for its cheery, pleasant people… commuters are the cheeriest!
As soon and I stepped onto the overground train to Waterloo, I was greeted by sunken faces that personified misery, hatred and sheer annoyance. My first train wasn’t even busy. It was spacious and stress free!
They all sat, eyes down, staring at their smart phones. Like robots, typing away. Apart from the one woman next to me, she is simply watching Rupaul’s Drag Race on Netflix. I’m trying to not give spoilers! The struggle is real.
I wasn’t your typical commuter… I sat, gazing out of the window like an excited child, and I just smiled. Completely content. I had finally managed to move to London and get myself a job. It felt good.

“I sat, gazing out of the window like an excited child, and I just smiled. Completely content.”

… This feeling didn’t last. I walked toward the Waterloo & City line (to go one stop!). I was greeted by this:

 

Well, isn’t this just swell. Definitely going to be late on my first day, get fired and have to succumb to prostitution. No taxes though? Think of the positives in all scenarios!

Granted. It moved quickly. If you pride your personal space, London is not for you. I am now aware of about 25 men’s penis size and had 15 women’s nipples on my face – being short is tough. Also, why is there always that one person that farts in a crowd of people. Why do this?

 

“Definitely going to be late on my first day, get fired and have to succumb to prostitution.”

 

Well, I didn’t think it could get worse, but, the northern line really did hit me in the dick and destroy my soul!

Picture this, all 5ft5 of me was surrounded, TRAPPED even, by these monstrous creatures, they’re legs up to my eyeballs, with fresh B.O filling my nostrils. I was sweating from places I didn’t even realise I could sweat from. I crawled through the herd of big foot’s relatives, unleashing myself from this 21st century prison and made it to freedom, Old Street. I now know why no fucker in London smiles! My eyes watered at the stench of these unwashed swines!

 

“I crawled through the herd of big foots relatives, unleashing myself from this 21st century prison.”

 

London, I love you already – IVE FINALLY MADE IT!
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